BY Shakeisha M. Uzor
“You are lazy and stupid and I want a divorce “. Those were the word that my husband shouted at me. At this point, I was so used to the verbal abuse that his words were of no effect to me, so
I thought. I sat quietly on the sofa trying to maintain my peace. I said a silent prayer to the Lord . “God, please help me to keep quiet”. Talking back only made matters worse, after all I had
nothing to prove. My mind went frantic trying to find a bible verse to hold on to like a person who is drowning desperately needs air. Iquickly remembered the words of 1 Peter 3:1 which read “Wives, respect your husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear”. You see, my husband did not a practice Christianity. We went to church on Sundays, we even prayed together sometimes however he didn’t receive Christ as his savior. My prayers for his salvation were a top priority for me. I spend months pleading with God to restore happiness to my marriage and save my husband. I wanted him to know and love God as much as I did. No, I wasn't a perfect wife, I had flaws and short comings but I had the help of the holy spirit and strong convictions when wrong.
I could clearly see that our marriage was heading for a cliff, I waited for months with relaxed anticipation to see who would be the first to jump. For 2 long years, my life was a living nightmare however, I was not ready for it to end just yet. We had 3 beautiful children who hopelessly needed their parents, so I entertained the thought of staying married for them. We went to numerous counseling sections with our pastor, I read tons of books on marriage and relationships but nothing I tried seemed to work. Things continued to get progressively worse until one day, it happened. Loud arguments over mundane issues entertained theneighbors once again. Insults thrown with precision like darts to a bulls eye. I could discern the presents of violence in the air so l attempted to flee, then the worst happened. Shattered bones, broken hearts and a ride in an ambulance was the order of the day. I constantly asked myself why? How could he do this to me? What have I done to deserve this? Over time bitterness and anger became my daily bread served with a tall glass of regret. I hated him with a passion and I begin to map out my exit strategy. I despised the very thought of divorce but I couldn't stay married to an abuser… No Never. Deep down in my heart I still loved him and wanted to forgive him but I couldn't, until one day in anger I cried out to the Lord saying “Lord, how could you just sit back and allow this to happen to me”? Haven’t I been a good servant to you? Haven't I been a good wife and a good mother to my children? Where did I go wrong Lord? The response that I received from God still blows my mind till today. God said to me “I allowed your to experience this in order to humble you and produce fruit in you”. I was totally confused until the Holy spirit reminded my me of Romans 5:3-5 which says “3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. All I could say at the that point was “wow”. I learned a valuable lesson that night. Sometimes our God in His infinite wisdom will allow unfavorable circumstances to befall his children in order to produce spiritual fruit of endurance, hope, character, or love. That night, I forgave my husband from my heart. Slowly, I began to resume my wifely duties and slowly the conversations about what had on that awful day took place. As we talked, I could feel the tangible presence of God. All of a sudden, the tears fell and my husband embraced my with great passion as one million heart felt apologies filled the atmosphere. He asked for me to pray for him to receive Christ for forgiveness of his sins so I happily agreed. We prayed and cried for hours in end until the work of the Holy spirit was complete. Promises were made, broken hearts were mending and that day marked the beginning of our marriage restoration process.
Over one year later, my husband and I are madly in love. God has done a complete personally transformation in him and he no longer resembles the man he used to be. I will never forget the moment that almost caused me to divorce that man of God my husband turned out to be. I will forever bear that surgical scars as a reminder of how God turned what was the worst time in my life into a beautiful testimony of grace, restoration, and redemption. I would like to take this time to encourage you. If you are married and experiencing tribulation in your marriage, be strong, be prayful, and more importantly, be quite. Many women add salt to the already injured pride of our husbands when were go toe to toe with him in an argument. There needs to be a calm in the mist of a storm and that calm needs to come from you. Never pay him evil for evil, even when he doesn't deserve it, show him love. Cook his favorite meal right after a heated argument and watch how he will apologize. When he fusses, throw on something sexy and watch all his worries go away. It won’t be easy, you may cry sometimes but know that God is with you and he heard your prayers. If you know that God had ordained your marriage, don’t give up. You have to P.U.S.H (pray until something happens). Have patience, have faith and rely on God's word for comfort in you marital storm. Trouble don't last always, joy will come in the morning. Wait for your joy.
Shakeisha M. Uzor
She is a 29 year old mother of 3, a living wife, and a woman odb purpose who is passionate about her wisdom and life learned lessons to empower women worldwide. She is devoted to living a Christ-centered life and promotes virtue, holiness, and purpose in the lives of inner city teenage girls.