"Twisted Love"

"Twisted Love"

I always thought love was a tingly feeling inside my stomach, the giving away of myself to a man (physically), and accepting the only man that provided the best, looked the best and showered me with gifts so I could show off to everyone what my man has done for me.

Where did I learn all of this? I learned from family, friends, television, magazines, and SOCIAL MEDIA. What I saw and learned regardless if it was right or wrong, played a MAJOR role on my perception of love and unfortunately the majority of what I learned was wrong. Many of these influences came with demons and I didn't realize those demons were beginning to become my own. Now, I want to be clear that I do not blame anyone for my past. I just learned "Twisted Love."

Because I desired to be nothing like many people in my family, I was on a mission to CREATE a “PERFECT” life with my professional degrees, marry an African man and prove that I’m nothing like them. The biggest problem with this vision I created for myself was #1. God was not in it and #2. I had no idea what “LOVE” was all about. So I took myself on a very loooooonnnng journey of many failed relationships. Each one caused me to hurt, cry, become distant from people, and angry with God. I lost my faith, my hope, my freedom, my joy  and it got so bad to the point where I just became numb. I didn't want to feel anymore and the relationships just became a way for me to not be alone or run away from the real issues deep within me.

To make matters even worse, there were GREAT men that came my way and really tried to help me understand TRUE LOVE, but it was sooo difficult for me to receive love because of the love I saw growing up and the love I tried to create without God. How can you receive something you don’t understand? It’s like going to church, hearing a sermon and just lifting up your hands shouting, “HALLELUJAH” but you really didn't understand ANY of it. You were just going through the motions and in no way did your spirit receive it. In fact, your spirit probably rejected it.

Then God spoke to me one day and said these words, “You have not love because you know not love.” God took me through a very long process of unlearning everything I thought I knew in order to effectively teach me what I needed to know about LOVE. It all started with the LOVE of CHRIST which is the strongest foundation. I’m going to end with this verse and I pray that you lock it in your heart as a keepsake.

Ephesians 5:1-2 Message Translation

WATCH what God does, and then you DO it, like children who LEARN PROPER behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is LOVE you. Keep company with him and LEARN a LIFE of LOVE. OBSERVE how Christ loved us. His LOVE was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't LOVE in order to get something from us but to GIVE everything of himself to us. LOVE like that.

I definitely did not intend to write an entire book on this blog because that’s not what blogs are meant for, but I do want to share with you how you can understand and learn LOVE in a new way. I pray that as I share, you are encouraged, blessed, empowered, inspired and led to AIM HIGHER and DREAM BIGGER!

Until next time......


Jessica Ezeanya